


It's For the Best

by Laora



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, go read my newer one Judas it's way better, old old old Peter character study, oooooooold story cross-posted from FFN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-13
Updated: 2007-07-13
Packaged: 2020-12-16 14:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21037451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laora/pseuds/Laora
Summary: Peter falls into the darkness, hoping and praying that everything will be all right.





	It's For the Best

**Author's Note:**

> why does AO3 do the thing where some lines are really big for no reason? i can't figure out/don't care enough to fix them on these old fics otl sorry guys

Peter and many other Order members were standing in what was currently the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix. Dumbledore had just informed them that there was an attack planned on a Muggle orphanage, and ten members, along with a squad of Aurors, were getting ready to Apparate there in order to stop the attack before it started. 

Peter looked around as he prepared to depart. James, Sirius, and Remus – his three best friends in all the world – were pulling on their robes. James was reassuring his very pregnant wife that he would be fine.

Gideon and Fabian Prewett were making their way toward the door. Fabian clapped Peter on the back – 

“All right, Peter?”

“Fine,” he said, though his stomach squirmed uncomfortably. He had never been good at dueling – he was much better at the planning part of the Order – but he had somehow been talked into going on this particular mission.

Dorcas Meadowes, Emmeline Vance, Elphias Doge and Frank Longbottom were also preparing to leave. The ten of them were finally all ready to go and Apparated to the orphanage. It was a clear night, and the sliver of moon gave the only light to the small group as they met up with the Aurors.

“According to our sources, the Death Eaters should arrive at around – “

Dozens of loud cracks filled the air, and suddenly the group of thirty or so was surrounded by at least that many Death Eaters. Both groups stared at each other for a few seconds before spells began flying.

“Get inside and tell everyone to stay there!” Sirius yelled to Peter. “And lock the door!” Glad to be out of the fighting, he slipped through the battle and to the orphanage, where lights were beginning to switch on.

He rushed in and up to the nearest adult, who looked curiously at his strange clothes and the wand in his hand. “You all need to stay inside,” he said to her quickly. “No matter what, make sure nobody leaves the building.” The lady – her nametag read “Mrs Cole” – raised her eyebrows.

“Why?”

“Some criminals were planning on attacking, but we’ve got it under control. It’s chaotic outside; we don’t want anyone to get hurt. Just stay inside, and you’ll be safe.”

Mrs Cole finally nodded and walked to a Muggle contraption that Peter had never seen before. She pushed a button and said into it,

“Nobody is to leave the building. Stay in your rooms and keep the doors and windows locked. The situation is under control.” She let go of the button and turned to Peter.

“I appreciate your doing this. I’ve never seen you before.”

“I’m not from around here.”

Mrs Cole nodded. “Well, I very much appreciate your help.”

Peter nodded quickly and ran back out the door. He then closed it and put as multiple charms on it. He turned around and ran back into the fight, where he began sending as many curses as he could think of at the Death Eaters around him. He was within hailing distance of Remus when he felt a spell hit him between the shoulder blades.

* * *

Remus became separated from James and Sirius during the course of the battle, and was fighting back-to-back with Frank. As he stunned a Death Eater in front of him, he saw Peter making a valiant effort to get to him and help out; he had already knocked out a few Death Eaters before something happened that made Remus’ heart stop.

A Death Eater came up behind Peter unnoticed and stunned him fifteen feet away from Remus. Before the two of them could do anything about it, the Death Eater had grabbed him by the hair and Apparated away.

“PETER!” Remus made his way to where his friend had been seconds before. Frank was right behind him, grabbing his sleeve, deflecting curses and yelling,

“Remus, we need to keep fighting! We’ll find Peter later!”

“He’ll kill him!” Remus roared back. “He’s one of my best mates! Let me go!”

“Remus, listen to sense! We’ll find Peter once everything calms down. There’s nothing you can do about it now!”

Remus snarled, pulled free of Frank’s grip and sped off in the direction of a band of Death Eaters surrounding two dark-haired men.

He cursed enough of them to make an opening and get through to James and Sirius. Both were covered with scrapes but were holding up well.

“Peter’s been taken!”

* * *

Lily and Alice paced frantically in the Potters’ living room. They had been forbidden from battling since they had found out that they were pregnant, and were restricted to planning strategies and healing what they could.

“I hate this,” Alice said angrily. “Not knowing what’s happening…it’s horrible!”

Lily was more worried than angry. It had been nearly an hour already, and they still had no news about what had happened. “I hope everything’s – “

Multiple cracks of Apparition came from outside, and both of them cautiously drew their wands. “Who’s there?”

“Order members, reporting from duty,” came James’ voice.

“What was the first pet you ever owned?” Lily asked, falling back on the question-answer security system.

“A kneazle named Mr Puddles, who died when I was eight because my Muggle neighbor ran over him on his bike. What food are you craving right now?”

“Peanut butter fudge with chocolate chips.”

“Correct; now, could you let us in?”

Lily opened the door. Counting heads quickly, she saw only nine people. She frantically recounted, but again she got the same number. “Who’s missing?” she asked a red-eyed Remus fearfully. His eyes teared up.

“Peter.”

* * *

Peter came to in a dark chamber. Before he had time to get his bearings, however, he heard a voice that made his blood run cold.

Peter had only seen Voldemort once, and that was enough to frighten him for the rest of his life. He was therefore scared out of his wits when he saw the Dark Lord and many of his Death Eaters sitting at a long table. It mockingly reminded Peter of the staff table at Hogwarts.

“Peter Pettigrew,” the monster said, “I have heard much about you from my followers. Apparently you caused them much trouble while you were at Hogwarts?”

“Y-yes I did, me and m-my friends,” Peter said, trying but failing miserably to act bravely. Voldemort laughed.

“Yes, I have heard all about your little friends, including the problem of one Remus Lupin…” Peter felt his face pale. “I have wondered why he never chose to join my ranks, being what he is…he would have so much more freedom, so much more power…”

“Remus would n-never join you!” Peter spat in anger.

“Yes, he told me that quite firmly at our last meeting…if you will remember, he barely escaped with his life…” Peter’s mind flashed back to that incident, nearly half a year ago, when Remus had been missing for nearly a month. Only through Dumbledore’s quick thinking and the placement of the full moon had Remus managed to escape.

_ Will Dumbledore be able to rescue me? _ Peter thought frantically.  _ Of course he’ll try…wouldn’t he? Of course he would, James and Sirius and Remus wouldn’t have it any other way… _ But there was still that small grain of doubt.  _ But what if it doesn’t work? _

“Thinking about your little friends, I see,” Voldemort said cruelly. “What do you think you would do if they all died, along with you?”

Peter’s stomach dropped. “You-you wouldn’t – “

Many of the Death Eaters laughed. “You know that I most certainly would, Peter…and nobody would be able to stop me,” Voldemort said. “Unless…you accept my proposition.”

Peter’s eyes widened, and Voldemort laughed. “Listening now, I see? Ready to do anything to save you and your little friends? Well, Peter, if you join my ranks, your friends will be spared. And if you don’t, well…” he smirked. “Bellatrix and a few of her friends should be more than a match for two half-trained Aurors, a werewolf, an expectant mother and two Healers-in-training.”

“You w-wouldn’t kill them,” Peter said in shock. “They’re all that I’ve g-got…”

“Which brings us back to my proposition,” Voldemort said. “Join me, and you and your friends will be spared. Refuse, and you all will die.”

He hesitated for a second. “Okay.”

* * *

James, Sirius and Remus were nearly hysterical trying to get a search party organized for Peter. “Voldemort will kill him!” James yelled at Dumbledore. Sirius and Remus stood resolutely behind him.

“James, walking into Voldemort’s hiding place would be suicide,” Dumbledore tried to reason with him.

“We made a promise in first year to watch each others’ backs! To do anything for each other!” Sirius said angrily. “We can’t just leave him to die!”

“You three going to Voldemort’s lair alone would get you all killed and would not help Peter’s situation,” Dumbledore said patiently. “I will organize a search party, and they will go to save Peter.”

“I don’t want to wait! I want to save my  _ brother _ from that monster!”

* * *

Peter was shaking as he repeated the words that Voldemort spoke to him, which he supposed were some sort of Death Eater code.

“I am a Death Eater.”

“I am a Death Eater.”

“I will serve the Dark Lord Voldemort faithfully for the rest of my life.”

“I will serve the Dark Lord Voldemort faithfully for the rest of my life.”

“I will not betray the Dark Lord Voldemort, under penalty of death.”

“I will not betray the Dark Lord Voldemort, under penalty of death.”

“I will show no mercy.”

“I will show no mercy.”

“I will participate in all Death Eater activities.”

“I will participate in all Death Eater activities.”

“I will…”

The list went on and on, and Peter was beginning to wonder whether it would ever end. Finally, Voldemort asked him to hold out his left arm. As the Dark Mark began to be painfully carved into his arm, he felt a fleeting instant of indecision, as if he had made the wrong choice. But that was wiped away as he thought of what Voldemort would do to him and his friends if he had not joined.

_ It’s for the best. _

But he felt, in that moment, his life slip away from him. He may have made the wrong choice, but there was no going back now. He needed to preserve his own life, and since Voldemort had promised to spare his friends, he didn’t need to worry about them…

Right?

* * *

James, Sirius and Remus Apparated once they were off the boundaries of the Potter property. They had performed a locating charm on Peter and discovered that he was at Malfoy Mansion, Voldemort’s old haunt. They had only stopped for a moment to wonder why Voldemort had not made Peter Unplottable like they had to Remus before going up the front walk.

The three of them prepared to ram down the door, but were astonished to find it slightly ajar. “Do you think it’s a trap?” James asked in an undertone. Remus shrugged.

“Only one way to find out.”

They pushed open the door, steeling themselves for a Death Eater attack. Nothing happened. They shared an incredulous glance before heading down to where they knew prisoners were held.

They were only walking for a short time before they found Peter. Sirius swore loudly, and Remus found no need to shush him – Peter was laying motionless on the ground of one of the cells, bloody and taking short, choppy breaths.

Again, they were amazed to find the door unlocked. “It’s like they  _ want _ us to rescue him,” Remus said in wonder as he and James picked Peter up. He was clearly out cold.

“Let’s just get him back to headquarters; we can deal with that later.”

Sure that there were Apparition spells around the mansion, the four of them went back up the stairs and out the door.

“You’d think it’d be a bit better guarded,” Sirius said, furrowing his brow. “Something doesn’t feel right…”

“You just Apparate with Peter, and if that sets off any sort of trap we’ll cover you,” James said firmly, heaving peter off his shoulder into Sirius’ arms. “Go – Peter’s our top priority now.”

Sirius stared at them long and hard before finally saying, “Fine,” and Apparating away. Remus and James immediately began circling around the clearing, back to back, waiting for an attack. After a full minute of nothing, James said,

“…There’s nobody here.”

Remus had to agree with him. After sharing one last confused look, the two of them Apparated away.

* * *

When Peter came ‘round, he had trouble remembering where he was and what had happened. When he finally did remember, the memories came crashing down around his ears.

Voldemort, telling him to spy on the order…

Voldemort, making his Dark Mark invisible to avoid tricky questions…

Voldemort, making him promise to tell him when the Potter and Longbottom children were born…

Voldemort, assuring him that his friends would survive…

But Peter hadn’t liked that glint in his new master’s eyes when he had said that last part…

“Peter, mate, are you all right?” A very familiar voice brought him out of his reverie, and he opened his eyes to see his best friends – all six of them – staring back at him in concern. 

“You were muttering about Voldemort…” Lily said, her face worried. Peter’s stomach lurched as he saw how huge Lily had become.

#  _ “Tell me if the Potter and Longbottom children are born at the end of July…” _

“Lily, when’s the baby due?” he asked her. Everyone looked at him oddly; they had all known since nearly the beginning of the pregnancy.

“August second,” Lily said uncertainly, staring at Peter.

“And when is Alice due?”

She looked even more confused. “The first.”

Peter slumped back on his pillow, relieved. He had not liked the way Voldemort asked to know when they were born, and he was sure that both children would be much safer if they were born in August.

_ It’s for the best… _ Though he wasn’t so sure any more.

* * *

Peter was sitting in his small flat a week and a half later, wringing his hands. The clock read ten o’clock, and he was completely terrified for the Longbottoms.

Neville had been born the day before.

Today was the thirty-first of July, and Peter was praying to any deity he could think of that little James Junior would not be born for at least another two hours.  _ That would put them all in danger! _

Just then, his fireplace turned green, and James’ pale face came into view.

“Peter, it’s Lily, she’s in labor…”

Peter’s stomach plummeted. “I’ll be right over.”

* * *

An hour and fifty-five minutes later, a squalling baby entered the world.

His name was Harry James Potter.

* * *

On October 30, 1981, Peter was again sitting in his favorite chair in his flat, deep in thought. He had successfully spied on the Order for Voldemort for fifteen months now, and while Dumbledore suspected a traitor, nobody had thought to question him. He had planted the seeds of doubt against Remus a few months before, and he was fairly sure that he would not be discovered. 

Little Harry was the most perfect thing Peter had ever seen, even from his Death Eater point of view. Peter really had no idea why Voldemort was hell-bent on getting to the little boy.

_ “Don’t worry, Peter, your friends won’t be killed unless they ask for it.” _

Peter had very much come to resent his new master over the past year. He could tell that Voldemort couldn’t care less about the welfare of his followers, and that made Peter worry.

#  _ What if he kills me? _

He found that he had undergone an alarming change in the past fifteen months – he found himself caring for his life above anyone else’s. It had, in part, been his fault that Gideon and Fabian had been killed – he had told his master of the Order’s counter-plot – but he felt less remorse than he really should have.

Just then, James’ head appeared in his fireplace. Peter jumped –  _ he’s supposed to be in hiding! _

“Peter, can you come over please? Er…now?” Peter noted the pleading tone in his friend’s voice, and the huge purple bags under his eyes.  _ This war has really taken its toll on him… _

“Sure, James.”

* * *

Peter was in almost complete shock when he stumbled back into his flat half an hour later. James and Lily wanted to make  _ him _ their Secret Keeper?

He had been very surprised when Sirius had also been in their living room, and had thought for a horrible moment that they had found him out.

“Peter,” James had said, “We’ve talked it over, and decided that we’d like you to be our Secret Keeper instead of Sirius.”

Peter had been caught off guard. “But why not Sirius? Or Dumbledore?”

“We figure that the Death Eaters will go straight for Sirius,” Lily explained, “because he’s always seen as James’ best friend. James wanted one of his friends to hide us, and since we aren’t sure about Remus’ loyalty…” her voice cracked, “…we really can’t take any chances.”

Peter was speechless for a moment.  _ James wants me to be his Secret Keeper? _

He had been on the verge of saying no, telling them to use someone else or sticking with Sirius, but in the end decided to agree.  _ He swore he wouldn’t kill them… _

“It would be an honor, James.”

* * *

Only a few minutes after he arrived home, Peter felt his Dark Mark burn on his arm. Cursing to himself, he Apparated away.

“Peter,” Voldemort said, “Have you anything to tell me? Something about the Potters, perhaps?”

Peter winced. “Well, th-they’ve switched Secret Keepers…”

“And who is it now? They’ve decided not to use Black?”

“L-lily said that he would be their obvious choice.”

Voldemort nodded. “Always trying to think one step ahead of me. It’s a good thing that you are my  _ loyal _ servant, right Peter?”

He flinched. “Yes.”

“And of course, you’ll tell me who their new Secret Keeper is, won’t you?”

“It’s…it’s me.”

* * *

Peter felt horrible as he trailed along behind his master the next night, going to the village of Godric’s Hollow. He wasn’t sure exactly why Voldemort wanted to bring him; if James or Lily survived and saw him, his cover would be blown!

“What’s their address again?” Voldemort asked, staring up at the cloudless night sky. Peter’s stomach lurched – it was a full moon.

“N-number 22,” he stuttered.

Voldemort did not respond and began walking toward the correct street. Suddenly Peter made a horrible revelation –  _ he’s going to kill them! _

“You’re n-not going to kill James and L-lily, are you?” he asked, hoping that he would not be punished.

“I have told you; I will kill them if they stand between me and the boy.”

Peter’s stomach gave a horrible lurch.  _ They’re going to die. _ He had seen the way James and Lily fawned over little Harry, and had listened to them both swear to never let any harm befall the boy. He suddenly regretted his decision of telling Voldemort where his friends lived – they would all be dead before the night was over.

_ What have I done? _

When the two of them came to the Potters’ house, Peter went up and knocked, just like they had planned. There was a bit of noise from inside, and James’ – terrified? – voice came from the other side of the door. “Who’s there?”

“Peter Pettigrew.”

James opened the door, his wand out. “Peter, what is it? Are you all right?” he added as he saw his chalk white face and shaking hands. “What happened?”

“I never wanted it to happen this way, James,” Peter said, tears forming in his eyes. He was very surprised that he was not stuttering the words out. “I never meant for you to get hurt – “

“What’s going on? Talk to me!” James said, grabbing his shoulders in concern. Peter flinched away. “I can help – “

“If I could, I would take it back, all of it,” Peter said, tears now rolling down his cheeks. “I never meant for it to end this way, for you…and Lily…”

“Peter,  _ what are you talking about? _ ”

“James, I’m sorry,” Peter whispered, and stepped aside. Voldemort was now visible. James blanched.

“Why?” he asked Peter hoarsely. “What did we do to you?”

“Nothing,” Peter said, trying to gulp back tears. “I was scared, James, I didn’t want to die and he said that if I joined none of you would die either – “

“And you believed him?” James spat, anger flashing across his face. “Peter, Voldemort is a lying  _ bastard _ ! The Order could have protected you; you know full well you didn’t have to join – “

“I was scared! I wasn’t thinking straight, all I knew was that he was saying that we would all make it through the war – “

“But he obviously lied, didn’t he?” James spat. “He’s here to kill me and Lily and Harry, and it’s  _ because of you _ ! If you had told someone,  _ anyone _ , we could have protected you, put you under the Fidelius Charm – “

“But it’s far too late for any of that now, isn’t it?” Voldemort said, speaking for the first time. “Peter here has betrayed your trust, and you must pay the consequences.”

James slammed the door shut, locked it with every spell he knew, and yelled to Lily in the kitchen – 

“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off – “

Lily ran into the room, carrying Harry. She was as white as a sheet.

“But…Peter…”

“Peter betrayed us! Go – Harry needs to be safe. Get to safety and get Dumbledore, I’ll try and hold him off until then…”

Lily was still very pale; she was shaking so much that she could barely hold Harry. “If you don’t make it…”

“I’m willing to die for you and Harry, you know that,” James said, pulling her close. They shared a last kiss before James pushed her toward the stairwell. “If – if I don’t make it, tell everyone…tell everyone I love them. Please, Lily, go! _ I love you! _ ”

She turned around at the base of the stairs. “James…I love you too.” And she stumbled up the stairs.

* * *

“Do you think we should give them a little more time to live?” Voldemort asked Peter conversationally.

“But…”

“Oh, they won’t be able to escape,” he assured him. “I made sure of that while you were having your nice chat with James.” Peter blanched. “I think that’s enough time, don’t you?” And he blasted the door off its hinges. “So, this is how the great James Potter dies…”

Peter watched in horror as the two began to duel. He was unable to move, speak, do anything – he was still in shock over what he had just done.

_ I’ve betrayed James! Why? He was right – the Order could have protected me. What the  _ hell  _ was I thinking? _

He was brought out of his stupor when a large stag came charging across the room at Voldemort, its impressive rack held low as if to ram him down. Voldemort merely laughed and sent James flying across the room. He flew into the coffee table, splitting it in two, knocking it into the couch and making quite a lot of noise. “Peter never told me you were an Animagus, James,” Voldemort said in mock admiration. “I suppose your other little friends are as well?”

James got slowly back to his feet, wincing but obviously trying not to show weakness. His glasses had flown off his face and were now ten feet to the left of him. “Like you would care, oh mighty Lord Moldy-shorts.”

Voldemort’s face contorted in fury. “How dare you…”

“You know, I’ve defied you three times now. I thought I might as well make it four.”

“James Potter, you have annoyed me long enough,” Voldemort spat. “ _ Avada Kedavra! _ ”

James dodged out of the way, laughing. “You’ll have to do better than – “

The next jet of green light hit James in the stomach. Peter froze as James fell. His best friend’s humored expression had turned into a look of horror, but from the idea of dying or from failing his family Peter would never know.

Voldemort laughed as James fell to the ground, and he began to walk toward the stairwell. Peter was staring at James’ body in shock.  _ I killed James I killed James I killed James oh God I killed James I killed James what the hell was I thinking? _

* * *

James, in desperation, transformed into his Animagus form and charged at Voldemort. He knew he was going to die – there was no way he could hold off Voldemort until Lily got to safety and Dumbledore to his house – but he at least had to hold Voldemort up long enough for Lily and Harry to escape.

It felt as if his head had been cracked open as he flew across the room into the coffee table, breaking the table into two pieces. He transformed back into a man, and stood up slowly, seeing stars. His glasses had disappeared somewhere, and he had no time to find them.  _ I have to stall for time… _

“Peter never told me you were an Animagus, James. I suppose your other little friends are as well?”

James scowled at Voldemort, squinting to try to see him clearly. “Like you would care, oh mighty Lord Moldy-shorts,” he spat, using the nickname he and his friends had come up with at school.

Voldemort looked absolutely livid. “How dare you…”

“You know,” James said, grinning lopsidedly, “I’ve defied you three times now. I thought I might as well make it four.”  _ Stall, stall, stall… _

“James Potter, you have annoyed me long enough.  _ Avada Kedavra! _ ” James jumped out of the way, letting the spell miss him by inches. He knew he did not have long to live now.  _ He’s decided I need to die; let’s see how long I can last. _

He laughed, annoying Voldemort even more. “You’ll have to do better than – “

Without his glasses, James did not see the second green light speeding toward him until it was too late. He felt something collide with his stomach, and his eyes widened. He was horrified; what if Lily had not been able to get out with Harry?

_ I’m sorry, Lily. _

* * *

Lily ran upstairs to James’ office, where there was a fireplace. She threw some Floo powder into the logs; nothing happened. She desperately tried again; still, the fire did not turn green.

Then she tried Apparating to Sirius’ flat, holding onto Harry tightly. When she opened her eyes, she still saw her husband’s office.

At that point she heard a very large something crash into something else downstairs. _ Oh God, James…! _ Nothing downstairs but James’ Animagus form could have done that.  _ I’m sorry James, I’m so sorry –  _

Half a minute later, she heard Voldemort’s laughter, and her worst fears were realized.  _ Oh my –  _

She was in Harry’s room by that time, and desperately tried to throw a chair through one of the windows. When she realized that Voldemort had prevented all means of escape, she began cursing him to high heaven as the monster himself blasted through the locked door. “Lily Potter…”

In a split second, Lily was in front of Harry’s crib, standing between her son and Voldemort. “Not Harry! Not Harry! Please – I’ll do anything – “

“Stand aside – stand aside, girl – “

“Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead – “

“Stand aside, you silly girl…stand aside, now – “

“Not Harry! Please…have mercy…have mercy…”

“Stand aside, you don’t need to die – “

“No, please, kill me instead, anything, not Harry – “

Lily was desperate – James was dead, and she had no way of contacting anyone; she knew she only had a few seconds left to live. For some reason, Voldemort was not killing her straight off, and she didn’t know why.

_ I’ll never let him hurt my baby boy! _

As she finally saw the green light headed toward her, she was afraid – not for what was coming for her on the other side, but for Harry.  _ He doesn’t stand a chance! _

But there was absolutely nothing she could do as the green light hit her squarely in the chest, and Harry let out a scream of fear behind her.

_ I love you, Harry. _

* * *

Peter heard the killing curse spoken a second time, and knew that Lily was dead.

_ What have I done? _

A few seconds later, the fateful words were spoken again, but the resulting explosion was not what he had anticipated. Half of the ceiling caved in around him, and he ducked for cover, wondering why the curse had generated such a reaction.  _ It’s never done that before! _

He gingerly climbed up the half-destroyed stairs to the nursery, where he expected to find two dead Potters and his master ready to go. Instead, he found Lily sprawled in front of Harry’s crib, a pile of robes and a wand a few feet away from her, and a very alive Harry sitting up in his crib, screaming his lungs out. He had a rather nasty-looking cut on his forehead.

Peter had no idea how Harry had survived the curse and no idea where Voldemort had gone, but he knew he needed to act quickly. He picked up his master’s wand and found parchment and a quill in James’ study. He quickly scrawled out a note.

##  _ “Dumbledore –  _

##  _ Voldemort has disappeared. He went to the Potter residence tonight and killed James and _

##  _ Lily, then attempted to kill Harry. After the curse was fired, half of the house exploded. When _

_ an investigation was made to Harry’s nursery, Voldemort was gone, leaving only a pile of robes and  _

_ a wand, and Harry was alive. I do not know if Voldemort has been killed or significantly weakened, _

_ but something has happened to him. I also do not know how Harry has survived the killing curse, but _

_ thought you ought to know. _

_ – A witness” _

It had taken Peter a great effort to write out his master’s name, but he knew it was necessary to make the letter even more untraceable. He put a spell on it to alter the handwriting, and another to make it impossible to trace back to him. He called the Potters’ owl, who had miraculously survived, and told him to bring it to Dumbledore. The owl hooted once and flew away. Peter then went back to the nursery, where Harry was still crying.

“Harry, I’m so sorry.”

And he Apparated away.

* * *

Early the next morning, Peter watched the celebration of the London wizards from outside his flat window. He really had no idea what to do next – Voldemort was dead, and everyone was celebrating.

It alarmed him how little guilt he felt about betraying the Potters. During the fact last night, when he had watched James die, he had decided that he should not have done it. Now, however, after he had had time to think it over…he decided that he was simply happy that he was alive.  _ He would have killed me if I didn’t tell them where they lived! _

_ And nobody knows that I’m the one that betrayed James and Lily.  _ This comforting thought erased all trace of doubt from his mind.

He thought back to the night when Lily had performed the charm, making him Secret Keeper instead of Sirius.

_ Sirius. _

Sirius knew he had been Secret Keeper; Sirius knew he had betrayed James and Lily. And knowing Sirius, he would want revenge.

Cursing to himself and unconsciously grabbing his wand, he quickly exited his flat, ran down the three flights of stairs and out into the crowd.  _ Hopefully he won’t be able to find me. _

But, of course, Peter had never had the best luck in the world.

While he was pushing his way through a crowd of very confused Muggles, Peter felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Knowing who it was, Peter turned around slowly.

A furious Sirius Black stood in front of him, his eyes bloodshot and wand in hand. “You rat, you little rat – “

“Sirius, I had no choice – “ Peter began desperately, but he wasn’t listening.

“You turned James and Lily over to Voldemort, do you deny it?” he growled.

Peter’s mind began working very fast. “He would have killed me, Sirius!”

Peter noticed that many of the Muggles around them had begun to back away, rather alarmed by their angry conversation.  _ If any of them know what I did and told someone –  _

Suddenly, an idea, an  _ absurd _ idea, came into his head.  _ But it’ll keep me safe. _

As if he had planned it all along, he yelled loudly, “Lily and James, Sirius! How could you!”

Many people turned to stare at them, and Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “What the hell are you – “

Before he could finish, Peter had taken out the knife he had taken to carrying around, cut off his right index finger – he barely kept from screaming – and held his wand behind his back, muttering one of the Dark curses he had learned – all in the span of about a second.

The results were immediate. He heard the street behind him exploding and people screaming. Half a second after he had exploded the street, Peter grinned at Sirius and transformed into a rat, running down into the sewers. The last thing he heard was Sirius’ laughing – a horrible, humorous laugh of someone who had nothing left to lose.

* * *

Peter did not know how long he traveled aimlessly around, but he knew that on one particularly cold day he found himself outside a very odd-looking house. He stood up on his hind legs to find out exactly where he was when a human hand came out of nowhere and picked him up. Peter squealed in alarm and tried desperately to get free.

“Mum! Look!” the boy called to a woman inside the house. She came out, looking rather frazzled and carrying a baby girl. She rather reminded Peter of Gideon and Fabian.

“Percy, what use do you have for a rat?”

“Can I keep him as a pet?” the boy – he couldn’t have been older than five – asked.

“I suppose so, if you take good care of him. And Merlin knows, don’t let Fred or George anywhere near him!”

The boy nodded happily and walked inside after his mother, going up a flight of stairs before walking into a room that was incredibly clean, at least by five-year-old standards. 

“What happened to your paw?” Percy asked in concern as he held Peter up to his face. “You’ve only got four toes here!” He gestured at Peter’s right paw. He squeaked in affirmation. “Well, I think I’ll call you Scabbers. Is that okay with you?” Peter squeaked again. “Good.”

Peter wondered for a moment who exactly these people were, but decided to figure that out later. He was safe, and was sure that no stray Death Eater would be able to find him here.

Looking back over the past year and a half, Peter found that he had hardly any regrets. He would probably not change his status as a Death Eater, even if he had the opportunity. He also felt little to no remorse for killing two of his best friends, framing another and leaving the last to fend for himself.

_ It’s for the best. _

He found himself happy that he was alive and not particularly caring about anyone else. He supposed that this completed his journey to the Dark side, but found that he didn’t care.

_ I’m alive; that’s what matters. _   



End file.
